22 September 2007

Neighborhood Watch

We live in the city. Our houses are very close together and when I look out certain windows, I'm looking directly into my neighbor's window.

For the last few nights one of my neighbors has been on a porn-watching streak. Sure, he has some level of privacy since his furniture is positioned where I can't actually see him sprawled out on the bed, but I still know a little too much. I watched the guy skip over the boring parts then back up to re-watch the good stuff. What else could he be doing? I know that dude was beating it.

I started to think about how all of this was working, logistically. I mean, have you ever tried to rub your belly in a circle with one hand, while patting your head with the other? It's virtually impossible. This dude had his remote in one hand and his you-know-what in the other, simultaneously operating two totally different pieces of machinery. Now that's coordination.

As funny as all of this sounds, it should be a lesson to me. The window I was staring out of does not have curtains; it's just as naked as the porn stars on my neighbor's TV.

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