25 October 2007

Oh, Make Me Over

As a chic, my womanly supplies su-diddily-uck.

My makeup is old. I haven’t bought new eye shadow in a year and I’ve used the same blush since December 2004. I don’t even own foundation. Or lipstick. Instead, I use Burt’s Bees Lip Shimmer (tinted chapstick), for ya know, when I’m trying to sex-up my smile.

I have long hair. I always have. Yet I only know how to style it about four different ways. ‘Using a different barrette’ constitutes as one of those style variations. My curling iron and blow dryer are at least ten years old. The room smells of burnt-something when I use either of them. I don’t have top quality hair products to tame my waves and on any humid day, my hair ends up looking frizzy and out-of-control like Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovitch.

I have a horrible wardrobe. I own a few select items that fit properly and thus, I wear them over and over again. I’m hanging on to clothes from nine years ago, a time when I weighed less than 110 pounds.
I’m 29. I no longer have the body of a teenager; I have womanly curves, which means my old clothes are too small. And it’s no secret that small or otherwise ill-fitting clothes can lower a woman’s self-esteem.

I don’t have any accessories. Sure, I have a few necklaces and bracelets, but I need purses, belts, scarves, jewelry and so on. If I am lucky enough to put together a semi-cute outfit, I can’t accessorize. Even my shoe collection sucks. Again, I’m hanging onto things that need to be thrown out.

And while we’re on the subject of a total makeover, aren’t I supposed to have a huge trunk full of sexy bras, panties and lingerie?

The saga continues

Due to my lackluster wardrobe I never know what to wear. It does not matter the occasion, I have to ask James for advice about how I should dress. The other day he finally said, “I’m a man. I don’t want to answer questions like, ‘What should I wear?’ You’re a chic, you should know that stuff.”

The problem is I don’t know that stuff. I never know what to wear. I never seem to have anything appropriate. To cope, I’m learning tricks to get around my persistent fashion dilemma.

This morning my friend Jessica picked me up to go for a workout. Of course, I didn’t know what to wear so I asked,
“Are you wearing yoga pants?” ---No, I’m wearing Capris.
“Tank top or t-shirt?” ---Two tanks, actually.
“Did you put your hair up? Bun or ponytail?” ---Ponytail.

Of course when she picked me up I had my hair pulled back into a ponytail, was wearing Capri pants and two layered tank tops.

I had no other options, I swear.


  1. Score!!! I made it into your blog. I'm quite excited about that. And I'm no longer a "lurker"...I'm accomplishing all kinds of things. After being premenstrual this last week though I really need to get my butt in gear and start making an effort to work out...see you on Thursday? Hope so. jlb<3

  2. Achtung!

    Either motivational seminars were too crappy to motivate a change in your wardrobe, or indeed you have no idea what to do about it (we suspect both). Again, here we are with our free advise!

    The first thing to know before you go out handbang hunting is: thy shall not waste storage space for handbags! Two are enough. They should be as expensive as you can afford. One for daily use (with enough space in it for money, keys, whatever, but too little space for junk) and another for more special occasions. A third one if you can REALLY afford it.

    Spend the rest of the money in good underwear (always matching) and you will feel much better immediately - and motivated to continue improving your style, one quality piece at a time. Take your friend with you to the shops, if you must.

    You're welcome. Any time. Anything for a better-looking world.



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