29 January 2008

Searchers Anonymous

I have to tell ya, I love my Stat Counter.

It has awakened me to a wide variety of information about my readers that a few months ago I was totally unaware of: browser and system stats, country/state/city/ISP details, visitor paths and more. When someone searches and lands on my page, I know what search engine they were using and what exactly they were trying to find.

Dorky? Yes.

Cool? Totally.

According to my stats, about 15% of my blog visitors arrive here because they’re looking for something. Machine-Gun-Leg Chic: The Movie is a popular post. People landing on that page are definitely searching for Planet Terror. I think I’ve seen it four times now and I still can’t figure out how Cherry Darling fires her gun? (Thanks guys for not commenting on that post, thereby totally ignoring my question.)

Year of the Mouse and Kayak Na Pali / Na Pali Kayak were popular for a week or two, but they were quickly overshadowed by other search terms.

What are people looking for?

- Fart on command
I haven’t quite mastered the art of farting on command.

- White cabbage fart
I’m not sure how to distinguish between a standard cabbage fart and white cabbage fart.

- Is spaghetti made out of something gross
Spaghetti is made out of all things yummy.

- Porn writing samples
I’m fresh out of porn writing samples.

- Where to buy gama hydroxybutyric acid
I do not know where to buy GHB. Try Wal-Mart. I hear they sell everything.

But those searches are truly unique.

I have, however, noticed a variety of words and phrases that occur rather frequently, outshining all other terms:

- Totally naked ladies
- Naked older ladies
- Naked middle aged ladies
- Naked neighbor ladies
- My neighbor is naked

As a result of these Google searches, by far, my most popular post is Bare Naked Ladies (and Gentlemen). And I’m assuming since no one has ever bothered to comment on that particular blog, it turned out to be a disappointment. Maybe I should’ve actually posted pictures of totally naked middle aged neighbor ladies.

Sorry for the oversight.

In lieu of posting pictures of totally naked middle aged neighbor ladies, I can offer my most popular photo: Jeannette Eats Spaghetti in a bikini top at Makena Beach on Maui.

Listening to: Primus – Greet the Sacred Cow


  1. Oh, that was me with my "my neighbor is a naked, older, middle-aged lady."

    Those are often stats I'm afraid to look at.

  2. Ha ha, you are cracking me up~

    I know that two of the most popular search terms leading folks to my blog are "Spinal Tap" and "Family Guy Blue Harvest."

    This somehow makes me feel even more geeky (if that is possible!).

  3. I totally heart StatCounter and try not to feed my ego by checking it religiously.

    My favorite thing is when someone finds my site by Googling the name of a non-famous person I mention. Is it that person Googling themselves, or another person Googling them? Who knows, but I enjoy speculating. Also, who besides me is Googling me?

  4. Hehe. Stat counters are awesome!

    People find my page with phrases like:

    "Gina Carrano Lesbian"
    -I started a post with: "I'm not a lesbian but I have a girl-crush on Gina Carrano (who's a Muy Thai Champion AND on "American Gladiators")


    "Disney Pixie Preview"
    - I did a post exclaiming my excitement for the new "Tinkerbell" movie that's coming out (sad, but true).

    It's hard not to check EVERYDAY though... which is why I do.

  5. I've gotten these in the past week:

    1) humminahumminahumminahummina
    2) dirty limericks using the name andrew
    3) blowjob say thank you

    (to which I say, "Duh")

    4) popped one? boner?

    ..and then several others that are too graphic to mention.

    It's good to be me.

  6. I've had people find my blog searching for "shitake mushroom urine smell" for the past few weeks now. I haven't checked to see which post it leads to, I;m not sure I want to know.

    Best ever was "ghetto English muffin."

  7. Dear Spaghetti,
    Thanks for:
    1. the great tip on StatCounter. I installed it and already love the stats!
    2. the bikini pic. But I was searching for pictures of spaghetti! ; )

  8. I was showing my boss the pic of the ski fence. But I knew that you love spaghetti, so the search was kinda boring.

  9. We are proud to announce: we posted the first comment on the naked ladies and gentlemen! Awaiting moderation!

    We get lots of visits because people are looking for women with small feet. And for women with "man feet". It takes all kinds of people.

  10. I did the same search last week and was shocked, appalled and slightly amused to find that one of phrases leading to my blog entails "ben wa balls stuck in cervix." I have no idea how this happens, but it's rather embarrassing, don't you think?



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