29 April 2008

Margaritaville is Dirty

I’m waiting on a custom printed t-shirt that reads, “(front) I survived the Jimmy Buffett experience and all I got was some stranger's puke on my shoe and a tummy ache. (back) Plus I had to make my own T-Shirt.”

Jimmy Buffett is a talented performer. Yeah, yeah, yeah; everyone knows that and either you love him, hate him, or know a few popular songs. Those are the only options because everyone has heard of this guy.

I was BLOWN AWAY by one of his guest performers: Jake Shimabukuro. He’s a Hawaiian Ukulele Legend and he ROCKED George Harrison’s While My Guitar Gently Weeps. Actually, while you’re reading my blog, why don’t you play the video below? It’s a live acoustic version. You don’t have to watch, but you can at least listen. Come on, peer pressure, everyone’s doing it. Click play. Watch it. Listen. If your ears start bleeding go ahead and pause it, you big baby.

The music was great. The show was fun.

But the highlight of the evening was the location itself: Margaritaville. Wait, we’re in Riverport, no it’s called UMB Bank Pavillion, wait, wait, wait; what IS that place called these days?

Well, whoever owns that place, the actual owners need to attend an event to really appreciate their lackluster facilities.

For one, the place was trashed.

No seriously, there were giant piles of trash near the entrance...yeah, that's right, on our way IN. This was before the show even started.

The Entrance to Margaritaville

Um, who’s in charge of trash management? Fire that asshole!

The bathrooms at Riverport rank second only to the worst toilet in Scotland. They were disgusting. Everything, and I mean Ev.Er.Y.Thi.ng. was wet. I’m not sure, why or how, but the whole place was sopping wet.

Hold on, let me pose a theory:

While in the stall minding - and doing - my own business, the girl next to me was sitting on the toilet and puking on the floor, which I only noticed because her puke was splashing into my stall. So maybe everything was wet because they have to send cleaning people in to periodically hose the place down?


The lines to the bathrooms were long, but they moved kind of fast. I’d say it took 2-3 songs to get through the line. Not too bad considering the drink line was nearly 5 songs long. Luckily the concert went on for about two and a half hours or I would’ve missed more than half the show. (Ticket prices are VERY INFLATED. The least they can do is help us get our beer fast so we don't miss so much.)

Then, get this; they refused to sell my aunt a beer because she didn't have her ID. And that scenario is messed up because I think she's 51, which looks a lot different than 21.

But hey, rulez is rulez; No ID; No beer.

In lieu of beer, I chose to drink a $16 tummy ache disguised as a yummy Margarita:


This Rock'n'Rita was taller than my head (which is shaped like a banana by the way) and by volume, this drink was made of approximately 81.5% sugar, 5.2% water, 12.6% chemicals (you know, the cancerous ones found in everything we eat and drink) and a mere 0.7% alcohol.

That’s right, the margaritas at Riverport suck; even when Jimmy Buffett brings Margaritaville to town.

Listening to: Jake Shimabukuro and Chris Burgan - Crosscurrent


  1. I hate that place with a name I can never remember! It has never been as disgusting when I've gone compared to what you experienced, but still awful. I ended up missing 6 songs at the Chicago/Earth Wind and Fire concert while waiting to get my soda.


  2. It will always be Riverport to me, but I'm old and started going when it was still Riverport.

    Um yeah, trash management seems to be a problem there. I'm going to see DMB when they play Busch in June, it will be interesting to see how they stage a show there. I'm guessing beer prices will not be any less than during a ball game. Thanks for the 'rita tip. :)

  3. Prices are high. The place is too small for the crowds. The lines were long, and the place was not well kept.

    Jimmy rocked off course, along with the uke guy and the lady singer. Would have been better if I was close enough to really see. Not my favorite venue for lawn seats. The seat prices were outrageous though, and even then sold out.

    We got treated though by my brother-in-law. He even picked us up in a limo and bought dinner at Steak-N-Shake first. :)

    None of my pics turned out very well. By the time I got a soda, the sun had set, I'd missed a few songs, and the drunks were already everywhere.

    I'd go so Jimmy again, but hopefully not at the ampitheatre.

  4. You paint a vivid and gross scene. I wonder what Jimmy Buffet would think ~ bet his bathroom wasn't dirty.

    I never knew your head is shaped like a banana....



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