12 September 2008

I don't even know what the hell to title this one, but at least it ends on a positive note

Compared to my friends - my parents were strict. In third grade I wasn't allowed to wear makeup. In sixth grade I wasn't allowed to go on "dates" and paint my nails fire engine red. In ninth grade I wasn't allowed to "ride around" with friends who'd barely had any driving experience. Just because everyone else's parents were letting them do those things, that didn't mean it was a good idea for me to do them, too.

I wasn't allowed to wear makeup until I was 13. I wasn't allowed to "date" until after I was 16. That's because I wasn't allowed to ride in a car with my teenage friends until I turned 16. In fact, I turned 16 on a Tuesday. The weekend before, my boyfriend mustered up the courage to ask my dad if he could pick me up for school on Monday morning (I was still riding the bus back and forth - which was TOTALLY embarrassing!). My dad calmly and sternly responded, "Nope. Jeannette turns 16 on Tuesday. You can pick her up for school then."

Heck, I never even had a standardized curfew. The time I was to be home was determined on a case-by-case basis. As my dad put it, "When I say nine o'clock, I mean fifteen minutes before nine, not five minutes after - got it." Yes, I got it. I don't think I came home late - ever. Keep in mind that between me and my friends were train tracks, coal train tracks. Coal trains are the longest, slowest and worst type of train to possibly get stopped by. Especially when getting caught by a train was not an acceptable reason to be home late because, "you know you have to cross the tracks, so you need to plan for that to ensure you'll be home on time even if you get stopped by a train."

I hated it then, but I get it now.

I developed early, matured fast, always looked older than my actual age - and as we all felt during those years - I knew I was a mature adult who was smart enough to figure everything out on my own. My parents knew better; I might've been mature, but I had a lot to learn before I could be considered an actual adult. Hell, I'm an adult now and I still have a lot to learn.

One thing that my mom kept me sheltered from was scary movies. When everybody else got to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Jason and Freddy movies, Halloween, the Exorcist, etc - I never saw any of it. In fact, all of those movies I still probably wouldn't have seen if it weren't for James. I was never even curious about them. 

Back in the day, my mom's logic was that I would see real violence on the news and be exposed to real violence in real life. If I watched said violence, I'd be aware of it for the rest of my life. She wanted me to enjoy my innocence for as long as possible, before I discovered that life is scary and hard. I always understood this - even as a kid. I don't remember feeling left out because all of my friends were watching scary movies. I kinda thought - scary movie? - I don't like being scared. Plus, I don't really watch a lot of movies and we don't even have cable. I'll go play in the yard.

On the other hand, they always let me listen to music via KSHE 95. I can remember in grade school, hanging out in my room doing whatever (not playing with dolls - fuck that shit) listening to my pink radio tuned to K-SHE, falling asleep to the Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton, the Rolling stones, Pink Floyd, etc. I didn't understand what exactly they were singing about, but the music induced such a variety of positive emotions and I loved it. Meanwhile, I was listening to all kinds of songs about drugs and my parents never sheltered me from that. When I asked questions, they gave honest answers. But they let me listen to whatever music made me feel good.

Once when I was a teenager, I was listening to Megadeth very loudly in my room. My dad came beating on the door and upon answering, he screamed, "HEY - Turn that shit up!"


Those are some of the reasons why I love music so much today. Honestly, I might go insane without it. When I lived on my own I didn't have a TV because I always listened to music; I will never miss movies and TV, but I might actually die without music. Even now, while I'm home by myself all day, I turn music on the instant James leaves for work and I listen to it until he comes home. When I go back to working on my homework after dinner, I listen to music. If I'm not technically listening to music, there's always some song playing in my head. Music is my life.

On Thursday morning I was feeling tense, nervous, scared, anxious and a variety of other overwhelming emotions because I was on my way to see the neurologist.  So I decided to pop in a relaxing CD: Jonathan Edwards. I played Shanty over and over again. It certainly was relaxing. I might as well have been listening to one of those obnoxious meditation CDs that always make me start giggling - except this actually worked and was very relaxing. I laid on the floor, closed my eyes and just listened.

I felt much better.

Then I had a variety of trivial issues en route to my doctor, which left me feeling highly frazzled by the time I arrived at the office fifteen minutes late - or maybe I'm just getting to that age where I speak my mind because, when I filled out the all-important paperwork for my neurological exam and was asked of the type and frequency of my drug use, I wrote, "Marijuana; not often enough."

Maybe it's the stress.

Listening to: Jonathan Edwards - Shanty


Gonna sit down in the kitchen
And fix me something good to eat
And make my head a little high
And make this whole day complete
Cuz we gonna lay around the shanty, mama
And put a good buzz on

Well pass it to me baby
Pass it to me slow
We'll take time out to smile a little
Before we let it go
Cuz we gonna lay around the shanty, mama
And put a good buzz on

Well there ain't nothin' to do
And there's always room for more
Fill it, light it, shut up
And close the door
Cuz we gonna lay around the shanty, mama
And put a good buzz on

We gonna sit around the kitchen
Fix us somethin' good to eat
And make ourselves a little high
And make the whole day complete
Cuz we gonna lay around the shanty, mama
And put a good buzz on
Cuz we gonna lay around the shanty, mama
And put a good buzz on


  1. I've met your dad and if he told me to be there at 9pm I'd be there at 8:45, lol. Hope you're feeling better :)

  2. Hello my friend, hope your weekend is going good!

  3. Were we raised by the same parents? Dude.

    I love your medical history entry. I may borrow it.

    I'm here, whenever you need. :)

  4. Made me smile. :)



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