Paging Dr. Oreo

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

The proper way to eat oreos: two milks, both 2%, both in a glass-glass; one short, no ice, for dipping; one tall, with ice, for drinking.

The separate dipping glass ensures that the ice will not damage your soggy oreo.



After you polish off the glass of iced milk, pour the non-iced dunking milk into the now empty glass filled with ice, like so:



The dunking milk is now ready for drinking.

Part II

Contrary to popular belief, drinking milk with ice is not gross. Ice is a necessary part of my milk drinking experience.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B (which, admittedly, looks very similar to Exhibit A):



Exhibit C (which, admittedly, does nothing to strengthen my case):



Exhibit D (is best complimented by a glass of milk with ice):



After reviewing my photos, I'd like to turn the tables and point out the obvious: drinking milk without ice is gross. Also, drinking milk in a plastic cup is gross. If that non-iced milk in a plastic cup is served at a diner out of one of those giant bags of milk (hidden in the stainless steel box), ewww, triple-gross.

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Listening to: Amy Winehouse - You know I'm no good
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Shut up brain, or I'll stab ya with raw spaghetti noodles

I've been writing about my dumb numb toes a lot lately. Every time I twitter something about them, a few people respond with a pinched nerve story. Though no actual doctors have replied, the twitter stories have convinced me that I have a pinched nerve situation.

It seems probable.

A few weeks ago I was having sharp pains from my lower back/upper butt region, down through my legs. It kinda fizzled out somewhere in my calves, never making it to my toes. Though I'm not having those pains anymore, I have been extremely busy, stressed, and doing a lot of lifting. My back is kinda stiff, but there is no pain. That last sentence I wrote, that's why the doctor said my toe numbness has nothing to do with my back. She even said that for a stiff person, I'm more limber than most.

If it's not a pinched nerve in my back, what else could it be? Last week my doctor said, "It's not your back. I think you have a B-12 deficiency or a thyroid issue."

Say what?

A member of her staff took blood and the tests came back normal. She wanted to see me again.

When I saw her this morning I asked if she could just go ahead and treat me as if I had a pinched nerve; it never hurts to ask. She said she would, if she thought that was the problem. It's not. She is convinced that the back pain is not related to the toe numbness. This next part of the conversation, she could've totally left out.

I'm thinking, 30 year old caucasian female, numbness in toes... there's a rare chance it could be MS. You need to have an MRI of your brain.

Blank stare. Eyes blinking. Me thinking, MS? WTF? Lady, you don't know who you're dealing with. Thanks an effing lot because now I'm going to be worrying about this until I see the neurologist.

After about two seconds, because that's how fast I think, I asked, "So what happens if the MRI comes out normal?" (Okay, not the most insightful question, but at least it's a conversation starter.)

[shrugs shoulders]
That's why I'm sending you to the neurologist.

I ask, "Are you sure you don't want them to have a look-see at my back? I'm going to be there anyway."

Nope, just your brain. I know this isn't related to your back, but your toe numbness could have something to do with that migraine you had two weeks ago.

Awesome.

I think she's using a tactic called freak-my-patient-the-eff-out in order to motivate me to get the MRI sooner than later.

Totally unnecessary.

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Listening to: Man Man - I, Manface
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Day 075: This is what I look like in the morning

Naked. Wrapped in a blanket. Slouched over. Drinking coffee.

I am NOT a morning person. Some days, I don't even feel like getting dressed to go downstairs to get a cup of coffee. Clothes are now an essential wardrobe requirement for the first floor, as the front door is a giant pane of glass.

Today, I was too tired to slip on my PJs and instead, I covered myself with this blanket.

That's my favorite coffee cup, by the way; it's the Original Handwarmer mug.

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Listening to: NIL8 - Living Tar
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Hippo, Birdie, Two Ewe

Hippo, birdie, two ewe;
Hippo, birdie, two ewe;
Hippo, birdie, dear Terra;
Hippo, birdie, two ewe!

For those of you who need a translation:

Happy birthday to you;
Happy birthday to you;
Happy birthday, dear Terra;
Happy birthday to you!

(cha-cha-cha, chicken noodle soup)

Welcome Home!

We've managed to unpack the kitchen and get the house stereo hooked up, otherwise known as The Essentials.



The End

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Listening to: Nil8 - Gumby Joins the Ranks of the Cock-Fighting Hooligans
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Jeannette does not eat sushi

Little known fact: I have not puked since I was eight years old. That incident involved Pantera's Pizza and a ride home in the back of Ellen's dad's truck. It was like shaking up a bottle of soda just before twisting off the top, only instead of soda, I ejected half-digested pizza.

For about the next five or six years, from time-to-time I'd pretend I had puked so I could take a sick day from school. I stopped faking it once I realized that it was unusual for someone to go for years at a time without blowing chunks. I'm now 30 and have gone for 22 years without tossing my cookies, barfing, upchucking, hurling, liquid burping, or whatever you call it; I do not pray to the porcelain god.

The closest I've come to destroying my non-vomiting streak was the day before my 28th birthday. I had recently ended a fourteen year stint as a vegetarian junketarian and in taste-testing a variety of new foods, I decided to try sushi. The first piece was questionable, but I tried a second one. That time, I did the whole motion where you like, lurch forward and grab your mouth because some sort of violent energy is trying to escape. I'm proud to say that I did not puke.

But I will never eat sushi, ever, again.

To make up for my sushi-less diet I read Gorilla Sushi. You can, too. Stop by and check out today's caption contest, featuring one of MySelf Portraits!

Thanks! Fer what!?

The last few weeks have been busier than usual, as James and I are in the process of moving into our new home (it comes with a dishwasher!).



After we closed yesterday morning, we stopped at a nearby locksmith to make a copy of our keys. When the dude handed over the new keys and said, “$7.11,” I instinctively said, “Thanks!” I must've sounded a tad too excited because he suspiciously replied, “Fer what!?”

Um, making my keys?



While we’re on the subject of thanks, I need to give a huge THANKS to Rebecca. She’s come three times in the last week to help pack, clean, organize - ya know, the fun stuff. Without her help, I’d be screwed.

Her mom is just as cool. You know that goofy science project? She gathered info on nine coworkers. How awesome is that!?

In list form, I’d also like to say thanks to the following people, for providing stats and theories for my science project and/or giving feedback regarding the Taco Bell incident:

Gorilla Sushi

KC

Kathy

Kim

Courtney

Patrick

Marijean

Kathy G

Jessica

Lane J

Terra

Baol

Da Old Man

Jaelithe

~Static~

Half-Pint

Gregg

Geoff

Shea

Nathan

Johnny B

Firewings

Alden

Adam

Blogger friends, YOU rock!

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Listening to: G. Love and Special Sauce - Poison
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It's not too late!

I've been so swamped with a writing assignment that I've yet to put together this goofy science project. I'd like a few more statistics, so if you have a moment, please provide me with these intimate details: blood type, the name of your second grade teacher, your favorite salad dressing, and bra size (ladies) or shoe size (men).

Wait, wait, wait - wrong experiment.

What I really need:
Height:
Weight:
Arm Length:

Bonus info:
The temperature of your hand:
and / or
the volume of your index finger:

You can go here to learn more about the experiment. Children are welcome to participate.

Hey guys, remember, your contribution is helping to save the planet.

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Listening to: Man Man - Zebra
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Spaghetti's Guide to the Galaxy

Today I've written a post over at Girl's Guide to the Galaxy.

Check it out and let me know what you think!

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Listening to: Jake Shimabukuro - While My Ukulele Gently Weeps
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PS - Happy One-Year Blogging Anniversary to Me!