27 October 2009

So this homeless guy walks next to a grocery store...

I used to write several times each week and I want to write more, but it seems that I have nothing positive to share – which is an odd thing for me to admit because the last year I’ve felt happier than I can ever remember feeling. But my happiness has been overshadowed by a never-ending job search. It took me eight months to find the job I have now and that experience can best be described as a long, unsuccessful attempt at finding work in St. Louis, only to end abruptly with an unexpected job offer 100 miles away.

Now I’m working, but I’m not really making ends meet and my job is less than satisfying. I want to make a positive difference, have a career that is challenging and is something I can be passionate about. However, I basically shuffle paper from point A to point B, and while, if I didn’t do my job it would have a negative effect on a variety of people, I’m capable of much more. If I were a dog, my owner would come home from work to find the couch torn to pieces out of frustration.

Yet, I feel fortunate.

I have an insane amount of friends and I’m making more all the time. I have an amazing family who supports and loves me, offers advice and help, and am surrounded by an overwhelming amount of people who love and care for me. I’m lucky, I’m blessed, I am fortunate.

Could things be better? Yes.

Could things be worse? Hell yes.

The never-ending supply of people willing to push aside their own problems and concerns to listen to mine, it’s astonishing. I am thankful, but I feel that whatever I do will never be enough because I’ve been given so much. I am indebted to everyone who touches my life and I do my best to give back and pay it forward.

The other evening I ran to the grocery store to get a cheap bottle of wine and as I approached the store, I saw a homeless man and heard him ask a young guy for one dollar. The young guy says he has nothing to give and walks away snickering. I was perturbed and at the same time, I felt like, although I don’t have a pot to piss in, I’m at the store buying wine – I can spare a dollar. I’m not sure what I gave him exactly, four or five dollars, I just handed it to him.

As I walked into the store I decided that I should buy that homeless man a sandwich. I stood in line for-ev-er because the checkout girl wasn't 21. By the time I get outside the guy is headed around the corner, so I run after him and say, "SIR! I bought something for you." I hand him the sandwich. He thanks me profusely. I walk away and after about five steps turn back just in time to see him peeing on the side of the grocery store.

…when you gotta go…

Listening to: Solange Knowles – Sandcastle Disco

Happy 40th Birthday, Ryan!!!


  1. There you go - that whole post was positive............and I totally get where you are...so much to be thankful for - but so much to look forward to having (that really is a want) and sometimes forgetting what is right in front of you. And like you said......when you gotta go.....

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  3. Good friends and family are great! Hopefully your Halloween will make you happy.



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