My last post totally freaked me out. Writing it unlocked a too-strong understanding of the word uncertainty. Dealing with a lot of good and bad things all at once is stressful and the realization of buying a house, losing my job three weeks later, being unsure of exactly what I want to do with my life (other than take it in a totally new direction).... the list goes on - and my thoughts are deep
In other words, for three weeks I've been freaked the funk out.
With all this uncertainty, confusion, days awake in bed doing nothing but stare at the ceiling, followed by sleeping 20 hours at a time, with intermittent moments of unpacking and manically organizing my new house, attempting to revamp my resume, applying for work.... It's been an emotional roller coaster of stress. Everything is complicated and any little thing I encounter seems to come with difficulties involving extra work, extra time, extra effort, more stress.
There's just a lot of crap to deal with that are not only a time suck, but frustrating and I'm not in the mood to fuck with any of it. But I trudge on, day after day, doing all sorts of little shit and trying to wrap my mind around my current situation of recently buying a house and shortly thereafter losing my job....and figuring out how I can earn money, survive and be happy. Life is too short to go back to an 8-5 desk job that offers me no creative opportunities, where I get treated like an eeediot and sexually harassed by one of the owners. I just can't do it.
On a positive note
A few things seem to be coming together. I'm working on my first commissioned mosaic, the base of a sculpture by Travis Taylor with two other projects in the works. And I still feel like "How cool is that, being featured in Springfield's Own for my mosaic work!?" I'm also working with Springfield Art Association to possibly teach a mosaic course later this year. I've been dying to do another floor mosaic so I'm going to mosaic my breezeway. The surface is ready to tile, which means I just need to come up with a design, paint the room, gather the material, and get to work.
I prefer to work a sporadic variety of random jobs. I originally wanted to be a freelance writer, but I've learned I prefer to freelance anything that interests me. Last year I helped an artist friend paint a gigantic basement. I've enjoyed working on the brick documentary with Bill Streeter. I'm attempting to work with Matthew Glasson on a low budget film project. Over the weekend I worked as a photography assistant for Teresa D Wells Photography. I loved the work! I got to use Teresa's fancy photography equipment and basically took as many photos of whatever I wanted in an effort to catch special moments. It was just a great experience, rewarding to work hard and best capture one of the most important moments of one's life. This might've been the best freelance job I've had as a Jill of all Trades.
I can't wait to work on more cool, interesting and creative projects in the future.For now, I need to get back to Travis' mosaic project. Just know that things are still crazy and stressful and I'm still fighting with depression and anxiety, but overall I feel that things are getting better.
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Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Tell Her Tonight
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