21 June 2010

Whaaas Happaneeen?

It's been a few weeks since I've posted and after many calls and emails inquiring about my sanity, I thought it was time for an update.

My last post totally freaked me out. Writing it unlocked a too-strong understanding of the word uncertainty. Dealing with a lot of good and bad things all at once is stressful and the realization of buying a house, losing my job three weeks later, being unsure of exactly what I want to do with my life (other than take it in a totally new direction).... the list goes on - and my thoughts are deep for shallow me, anyway.

In other words, for three weeks I've been freaked the funk out.

With all this uncertainty, confusion, days awake in bed doing nothing but stare at the ceiling, followed by sleeping 20 hours at a time, with intermittent moments of unpacking and manically organizing my new house, attempting to revamp my resume, applying for work.... It's been an emotional roller coaster of stress. Everything is complicated and any little thing I encounter seems to come with difficulties involving extra work, extra time, extra effort, more stress.

Day 003: Stuff and Junk

There's just a lot of crap to deal with that are not only a time suck, but frustrating and I'm not in the mood to fuck with any of it. But I trudge on, day after day, doing all sorts of little shit and trying to wrap my mind around my current situation of recently buying a house and shortly thereafter losing my job....and figuring out how I can earn money, survive and be happy. Life is too short to go back to an 8-5 desk job that offers me no creative opportunities, where I get treated like an eeediot and sexually harassed by one of the owners. I just can't do it.

On a positive note

A few things seem to be coming together. I'm working on my first commissioned mosaic, the base of a sculpture by Travis Taylor with two other projects in the works. And I still feel like "How cool is that, being featured in Springfield's Own for my mosaic work!?" I'm also working with Springfield Art Association to possibly teach a mosaic course later this year. I've been dying to do another floor mosaic so I'm going to mosaic my breezeway. The surface is ready to tile, which means I just need to come up with a design, paint the room, gather the material, and get to work.

I prefer to work a sporadic variety of random jobs. I originally wanted to be a freelance writer, but I've learned I prefer to freelance anything that interests me. Last year I helped an artist friend paint a gigantic basement. I've enjoyed working on the brick documentary with Bill Streeter. I'm attempting to work with Matthew Glasson on a low budget film project. Over the weekend I worked as a photography assistant for Teresa D Wells Photography. I loved the work! I got to use Teresa's fancy photography equipment and basically took as many photos of whatever I wanted in an effort to catch special moments. It was just a great experience, rewarding to work hard and best capture one of the most important moments of one's life. This might've been the best freelance job I've had as a Jill of all Trades.

I can't wait to work on more cool, interesting and creative projects in the future.For now, I need to get back to Travis' mosaic project. Just know that things are still crazy and stressful and I'm still fighting with depression and anxiety, but overall I feel that things are getting better.

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Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Tell Her Tonight
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6 comments:

  1. One foot in front of the other, girl. You are an amazing, awesome, fun, creative, intelligent woman and a good friend. If I was independently wealthy, I would commission you to save the world.

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  2. How are you sleeping 20 hours at a time with a list that has TONS of things on it? If you find yourself with too much time please come to my house and we can tear down the front entry wall and create a mosaic there. I have no clue what that would take - but would love to make something Not Normal here. And you will do wonderful......at everything. You are like a cat - landing on your feet everytime. You just don't do it the easy way.

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  3. @KBO -- I love you.

    @HalfPint -- I technically don't have time to sleep 20 hours a day, it's depression. And I don't have the funds for depression meds... even when I had insurance, I couldn't afford the office visits or the meds. (I'm currently trying to find a way to pay a $350 bill for TWO office visits; stupid new patient orientation. And this amount is AFTER what was covered under insurance, which I no longer have.)

    Also, I love how you wrote, "You are like a cat - landing on your feet every time. You just don't do it the easy way."

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  4. You know, for someone who lands on their feet (albeit the not easy way), I am constantly impressed by your willingness to serve other people and find space in your life for them. But, yeah, I'm worried about you right now even though you are riding the waves as they crash against you.

    I got your card in the mail yesterday while riding a wave myself and it meant the absolute world to me. I had forgotten that you asked about my new address (because you and I were texting while I was in the midst of a ton of stuff - so, um, I'm sorry I was so short in my texts that day) so it came as a surprise.

    Man, I enjoy the hell out of you.

    Tweetup soon, yes?

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  5. Wow Miss Jeannette!!
    Takin' a lickin' but yet keep on tickin' seems to be my constant motto while being a sufferer of depression & anxiety as well...

    I find inspiration in reading your blogs &/or cool things u post on ur Facebook as well~ U have always amazed me by your willingness to give all for others, awesome creativity, & just all around cool chick!!
    Keep your head up & sendin' positivity your direction!!~

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