26 April 2012

Underemployment and Money Worries

Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money

It's all I think about. Well, that and feeling heartbroken.

I've been financially struggling for the last few years, toggling between unemployed and underemployed. I took out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans (now that I am college educated, I understand why this was a bad idea, unfortunately) during a time when my annual salary was four times what it has been each of the last four years. As such, since I have graduated, I have never made enough to make monthly payments on my student loans.

I've been supplementing my income with my retirement and now that's run out. Including rent money from my roommate, I make just barely enough to pay bills and if I need anything extra, it goes on the credit card. I am buying a house people. This is tough.


I absolutely love my job at Food Fantasies, but I'm not making enough and I have no insurance. However, I have taken on different responsibilities and I LOVE being the Community Outreach person. It's a good reminder that I love marketing, attending events, creating events, communicating with people, connecting people and helping others find whatever it is they need. I love helping people and it's unbelievably rewarding when I am able to solve someone else's problem....probably because I seem to be incapable of bringing my own issues to resolve.

Made especially for me by MY mom! Technically she's my brother's mom, too, but MINE!

I talked to my dad about all this and he brought me down to earth with, "Your mom and I have been there. Imagine being unable to pay your bills and have two small children who depend on you." Yikes. I felt something I never imagined I would feel - thankful - that I was unable to conceive a child.

I'm in a similar financial position as countless other people all across the planet. Some have it a little better, others have it much worse. I try not to compare myself to others because that is a useless endeavor; I am not them, they are not me.

I have been steadily job hunting since 2008. Technically, I take off a few months each year because applying for literally hundreds of jobs and landing less than ten interviews is quite taxing on my psyche. I feel like a worthless loser and it sucks. I hate it. All of this is made harder by going through this breakup with my best friend. He's the one person I talk to who truly makes me feel better about even the worst situations, shows me the positives when all I can find are negatives and it sucks to feel like I can't go to him.

Break Time Cry Fest

I digress.

All of my financial and career struggles have impacted my writing. I am trying to get back into blogging, but it's hard when I feel overwhelmingly negative. Everyone has their own problems, so who wants to come here and read about mine? Even when I have fun and experience great moments, I have an incredibly difficult time writing about them. I sit down at my broken laptop and immediately feel negative. I have spent years at this laptop, using it as my primary source for an unsuccessful attempt at finding a career. This is not my happy place.

I wrote The Lowest Wage Legally Possible a year and a half ago and I sit here today, nowhere near finding a solution to my career woes and money scares.
I have to be more specific than "help people, be creative, make enough to make ends meet and have money left over to build savings and travel." That's a nice flowery statement, but too general.

I have to do, not think, and not think about doing; I have to identify and eliminate obstacles, move forward and accomplish what my mind imagines. But the only thing I imagine is making enough money to pay my bills, save, and save for travel. This thought is stifling my creativity and I need to be more imaginative than I am currently being. At the same time, it's my only thought. I have to stop thinking about money, focus on identifying my goals, and find my direction.

In the last few months I've noticed that the most appealing jobs seem to be with organizations like the American Cancer Society and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Working at Food Fantasies has really opened my eyes to the the chemically-laced and genetically-modified foods humans consume. The animals we eat are fed these foods. The raw fruits and vegetables we eat are treated with pesticides, herbicides and who knows what else. Not one person fully understands what happens inside the human body when we metabolize these substances. It can't be good. 

Food is our fuel and when we ingest foreign substances, our body has to figure out what to do with that stuff. I don't fully know the path, but there is a definite connection between diet and cancer. And it scares me.

Hopefully my fear turns to passion which fuels me to move in the right direction where I can do something meaningful with my life, HELP OTHERS and stop worrying about money during my every waking moment. I need to find a way to separate myself from the negative emotions swirling within me so that I may demonstrate that I am capable and willing to put others before myself. But just like "in the event of a plane crash," I have to put on my oxygen mask before I tend to others.

I need to find my oxygen mask.

Listening to: Nobunny - Love Visions

24 April 2012

RnR :: Party Fun Songs from the Golden Age of Burlesque

Rock N Roll Armageddon
Playlist for
Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I brought in a few burlesque albums that once belonged to my Grandma Charlotte. It was good thing I did too, because we played them while we restarted the computer. And then we didn't have passwords and whatnot...so while everyone was listening to burlesque for 10-15 minutes, we were frantically making call after call and trying password after password. Eventually Bruce was able to get his show on the air, but still, it was a fiasco. And we left before we ever figured it out.

--- Noodles - 18 May 2012 ---------------------

Looking through my albums for the show tomorrow. This used to belong to my Grandma Charlotte. "Music to Strip by" (thanks, Grandma!) @mandydphoto

Party Fun Songs from the Golden Age of Burlesque

1. The Oblivians - Viet Nam War Blues
2. Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers - I'm Not a Juvenile Delinquent
3. The Mooney Suzuki - Electric Sweat**
4. American Death Ray - Arms So Long**
5. Davila 666 - Oh Baby!**
6. Sic Alps - Love is Strange
7. Misfists - Hybrid Moments**
8. The Playmates - (Beep Beep) Little Nash Rambler**
9. Dead Boys - Flame Thrower Love
10. The Turbo ACs - Nightmare
11. The Child Molesters - I'm Gonna Punch You In The Face**
12. Hunx and His Punx - Good Kisser
13. Hubble Bubble - Freaks...Out
14. Crass - Bata Motel**
15. Daniel Johnston - The Beatles**
16. Useless Eaters - Sucked In
17. Jackie & The Cedirics - Scorpion Stroll
18. Thee Headcoats - Every Bit of Me
19. Boris - Electric
20. Catholic Boys - Feeding Tube
21. Jack-O & The Tennessee Tearjerks - Sweet Thang
22. Nobunny - I am a Girlfriend
23. The Detroit Cobras - Putty (In Your Hands)
24. The Sedatives - Slip Away
25. The Fresh & Onlys - I'm a Thief
26. Ty Segall - Skin
27. The Time Flys - Smokin' Dope
28. Danzig - Tired of Being Alive
29. The Hellacopters - Born Broke
30. Nightmares - Jay Reatard**
31. GG Allin - Loudenboomer**
32. Almighty Defenders - Cone of Light**
33. Motorhead - Please Don't Touch**
34. The Spits - Greyhound Bound
35. "Bald" Bill Hagan and his Trocaderons - A Pretty Girl is Like a Melody

**Most of the Special Requests

@cycloneflynn would like to feel some pulsating rhythms and enjoy the gentle art of strip tease. As would I.

22 April 2012

Mini Road Trip

I'm always looking for an escape, an adventure. I wanted to go someplace new today, so I headed to bright and sunny Pekin and then couldn't find anything good to eat, so made my way up to Peoria. Nothing awesome happened, but I captured a few photos along the way.

No building, but this sign made me curious about what in the world was going on here. I mean, lottery and a noose?


I like bridges, apparently, because I tend to photograph them whenever I pass across or under.


Aventine Renewable Energy :: Energy is dirtier the second time around.

Aventine Renewable Energy

A pig attached to the side of the building, painted like a cow, wearing a can of ham and beans.

 A pig painted like a cow wearing a can of ham & beans.

The End.

Listening to: Chug a Lug - Roger Miller

17 April 2012


I only had a few moments to enjoy the outdoors today; of course, I took a picture.

RnR :: There was a guest in the studio today but y'all had no idea she was here. Plus that banana.

Playlist for Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Noodles learned somewhere that you can use a knife to carve words into a banana and as it ages, those words will turn brown. As such, Noodles carved the word "fart" into a banana and brought it to WQNA as a surprise for Eggs.
Jodi and her fart banana.
As was expected, Eggs loved her precious fart banana.

Fart Banana Aftermath
Fart Banana Aftermath

RIP :: Fart Banana
You will be missed, but many generations of Fart Bananas will be created.
Long live Pappa Fart Banana.
The End.
Or is it?

1. Carbonas - Satisfy Me
2. Bill Nye The Science Guy - Theme Song
3. Screeching Weasel - I Wanan Be With You Tonight
4. Crazy Spirit - Cool Death
5. Davila 666 - Primero Muerta
6. Kings of Nuthin' - Drive All Night
7. Holy Cobras - Cobra Talk
8. GG King - In the Terminal
9. Squirrel Nut Zippers - Ghost of Stephen Foster**
10. Menace - Screwed Up**
11. The Hex Dispensers - My Love is a Bat**
12. Pangea - Me and You
13. The Detroit Cobras - Cha Cha Twist
14. The Stooges - TV Eye
15. nofx - Linoleum**
16. Pixies - Monkey Gone to Heaven
17. Fe Fi Fo Fums - Bad Habit
18. Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World
19. Personal and the Pizzas - I Can Read**
20. Dead Boys - I Won't Look Back
21. Outer Minds - Bloodshot Eyes
22. The King Kahn & BBQ Show - I'll Be Loving You
23. Nobunny - Tina Goes to Work
24. Los Crudos - No Estoy Convencido
25. Graveyard - Blue Soul
26. Clayson Lobb - The Gayest Track
27. The Riffs - Lesson Number Nine
28. Son House - Grinnin' in Your Face
29. Scared of Chaka - Fish Tacos '98
30. Missing Monuments - Hot Class
31. New York Dolls - Stranded in the Jungle**
32. Los Straightjackets - Rockula**
33. GG Allin - Bored to Death
34. The Coasters - Along Came Jones**
35. Compulsive Gamblers - Devil in my Back Pocket
36. Persuaders - Sonic Surgery
37. Black Lips - Gentle Violence
38. Cool Jerks - Can't Quit
39. The Biters - Electric Nights
40. Gogol Bordello - Hulinganjetta

10 April 2012

I found a picture of my butt

Remember the day of cameras with film? And how sometimes you'd get your film developed and find surprise pictures that others took?

This is one of those photos.

I was 19. I went with Trisha Deppe (hi Trish! I hope you're well and I'd love to reconnect with you!) to swim and climb around the spillways at Lake Timberline. It's a private area, meaning you have to own property to get in there. Seriously, there's a guard station and we'd have to tell them our platte and lot number. This made me feel like a rock star.

Lake Timberline is in the Missouri Bluffs and at some point in the late 50s or early 60s, humans decided to dam up the natural waterways to create several lakes. My favorite is Golf Springs because the beach is sandy and the swimming area is not roped off. I loved going there as a teenager and swimming across the lake, picking a dock and diving in.

Climbing the spillway to Lake Timberline was always my favorite activity. It's the deepest lake, therefore, it has the tallest spillway. It was fun to park a bit away, walk there and climb up small waterfalls and investigate each pool of water above it. Usually there wasn't much to find and I'm sure every creature I encountered gave me a startle.

This particular photo was taken at one of the two spillways that divide Bee Run into three lakes. These are fishing lakes, not designed for swimming, so it always felt more remote than any of the other lakes. Every visit required exploring Bee Run.

Developing my film months later to find a photo of my butt as I'm bent over trying to maneuver up, down or across this tiny spillway is truly a treasure.

Fun times.

Thanks, Trish!

Listening to: The Spits - Take Back the Alley

RnR :: Long Songs and Oompas

playa list 
for Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Rock N Roll Armageddon is about to begin!

1. John Wesley Coleman III - Where Did My Friends Go
2. Biters - Rock N Roll Loser
3. Dead Milkmen - Bitchin' Camaro**
4. Pennywise - Pennywise**
5. Modest Mouse - Doin' the Cockroach**
6. Mean Jeans - Born on a Saturday Night
7. Eddy Current Suppression Ring - Anxiety
8. Queen - I'm in Love With My Car
9. Mind Spiders - Don't Let Her Go
10. Primus - Wynona's Big Brown Beaver**
11. The Reatards - All I Got is RnR
12. A Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It**
13. Carpettes - Cream of the Youth
14. Willie Nelson - I Gotta Get Drunk**
15. Tom Waitts - Cold Cold Ground**
16. Wiccans - End Game**
17. The Clash - Train in Vain (Stand by Me)**
18. Valiant Thor - Con Science
19. Tiki Tones - The Island of Lost Soul
20. Man Man - White Rice, Brown Heart
21. The Cat Empire - The Wine Song**
22. The Unclaimed - Run from Home
23. David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust
24. Brimstone Howl - Tomahawk
25. Nobunny - Church Mouse
26. Turbonegro - If You See Kaye
27. Carbonas - Phone Booth
28. Man or Astro-Man? - Television Man
29. Sifl and Olly - Rain on You
30. The Soda Pop Kids - Electric Blood
31. Vermillion Sands - Trouble in My Way
32. Kings of Leon - Four Kicks
33. Little Richard - Good Golly Miss Molly
34. Velvet Underground & Nico - I'm Waiting for the Man
35. Bring Back the Guns - No More Good Songs

**Special Requests by Special People

06 April 2012

I like wearing tights.

They make me feel good.

Come to think of it, my day got off to a great start thanks to @mandydphoto! So I'll just forget about the part of my day that sucked.

My tights have an intricate #weave pattern

Listening to: Ty Segall - Finger

03 April 2012

I Sit Down When I Pee

Today was my third day at Rock N Roll Armageddon. I didn't feel nervous at all, but I didn't feel like myself either. I'll get there.

Jodi's been doing this for a few years and she knows how to make it fun. Rock N Roll Armageddon - Eggs

That girl is full of surprises. I have no idea what prompted it, but out of nowhere she played this gem.

It was an awesome surprise!

This gig is a lot more fun than I ever imagined and it's something I never thought I'd do. For this and a lot of other reasons, I feel really really lucky right now.

Listening to: Detroit Cobras - Weak Spot

RnR :: Detroit Fart City Rock N Roll Show

Bird's nest (with eggs) found in my breezeway.
Bird's nest (with Eggs) found in my breezeway.

playlist for 
Tuesday, April 3, 2012

1. The Monsters - I'm a Record Junkie
2. The Black Lips - Down and Out
3. The Sonics - Psycho
4. The King Kahn & BBQ Show - Love You So
5. The Nomads - Lowdown Shakin' Chills
6. The Duchess and the Duke - Strangers
7. The Spits - Black Kar
8. Hue Blanc's Joyless Ones - I Forgot My Dancing Shoes
9. The Sonics - Strychnine**
10. The Fresh and Onlies - I'm all Shook Up
11. King Floyd - Groove Me**
12. T-Rex - Telegram Sam
13. T-Rex - Jeepser
14. T-Rex - Rock On
15. Mika Miko - Totion
16. Chan Romeo - Hippy Hippy Shake
17. Gentlemen Jesse And His Men - Stubborn Ghost
18. The Intelligence - Bulbs
19. Screeching Weasel - Like a Parasite
20. Tim and Eric - "I Sit Down When I Pee"
21. The Mummies - Victim of Circumstances
22. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Rainbow Connection
23. Tim Fite - Big Mistake**
24. Personal and the Pizzas - I Don't Wanna Be no Personal Pizza
25. Social Distortion - Ball and Chain
26. Detroit Cobras - Weak Spot
27. Howlin Wolf - Spoonful
28. The Cherry Valence - Bodyshakin!
29. Ty Segall - Die Tonight
30. New Bomb Turks - Scapegoat Soup**
31. Graveyard - Satan's Finest**
32. The Oblivians - Pinstripe Willie
33. The Monks - Complication


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